that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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