so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
