Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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