I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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