Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
