My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
