sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
