i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
