She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
