Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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