I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
