Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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