You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
