Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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