I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
