You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
