Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
