i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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