I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
