I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
