1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
