i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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