Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
