Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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