I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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