Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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