My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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