We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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