arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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