btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
