The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
