just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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