Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
