Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
