I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
