wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
