How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
