I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
