Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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