he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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