I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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