I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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