Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
