She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
