this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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