FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm bleeding and have questions
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