how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
