My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
