I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
