I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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