I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
