Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
