Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
