as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You're like the curious george of whores
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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