She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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