I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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