so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
